Here’s RAW in case you missed it:
From The Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, Nevada:
Hosted by John “Bradshaw” Layfield (JBL), Michael Cole and WWE Hall of Famer Jerry “The King” Lawler.
RAW Managing Supervisor Vickie Guerrero opens up RAW Roulette 2013 by introducing three wheels: The Wheel of Superstars, The Wheel of Stipulations, and The Vickie Vegas Challenge.
The former WWE Champion CM Punk and Paul Heyman stated that he did not lose the title to The Rock last night at the Royal Rumble. Punk labeled what happened last night as “The Phoenix Screwjob”. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon arrived, and stated that he has video footage of Heyman orchestrating the attack with The Shield (Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns). Vince decides to give Heyman a personal performance review.
1. A NON-TITLE MATCH: Randy Orton vs. WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro.
THE SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE FOR THIS MATCH, AS SELECTED BY THE WHEEL OF STIPULATIONS: THE MIZ!!!
THE WINNER: RANDY ORTON!!!
NOTE: AFTER THE MATCH, THE MIZ HELPED UP ANTONIO CESARO, BUT CESARO ENDED UP IN THE SKULL-CRUSHING FINALE!!!
2. A VICKIE VEGAS CHALLENGE: A MAKE ME LAUGH MATCH: RyBack vs. The Prime Time Players (Darren Young and Titus O’Neil).
THE RULE: Whoever tells the most jokes wins.
This contest was hosted by Matt Striker.
After RyBack told his joke, he attacked Darren Young, got attacked by Titus O’Neil, and RyBack mercilessly wailed on O’Neil!!!
THE WINNER: RYBACK!!!
Tennis legends Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi were in attendance for this week’s RAW.
3. A PLAYER’S CHOICE MATCH: WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett vs. Bo Dallas.
In this match, a wrestler gets to choose his or her opponent, and Wade Barrett chose former NXT wrestler Bo Dallas, who made his debut last night at the Royal Rumble.
THE WINNER: BO DALLAS.
4. Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena.
THE WINNER: JOHN CENA!!!
POST-MATCH INTERVIEW: John Cena challenged The Rock for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania 29. Halfway through his promo, The Shield appeared and fought Cena until Sheamus charged the ring, but was ambushed. RyBack arrived, but was attacked as well. Cena recovered and attacked The Shield, and was triple powerbombed in the process.
NOTE: THIS WENT INTO THE FIRST NINE MINUTES OF HOUR 2.
5. THE SECOND VICKIE VEGAS CHALLENGE: A DANCE-OFF: Tensai vs. “The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay with “The Funkadactyls” Naomi and Cameron.
THE RULE: Each participant has fifteen seconds to dance.
NOTE: This match was supposed to be a Lingerie Pillow Fight, but Tensai wasn’t informed of the change.
THIS MATCH APPEARED TO BE A NO-CONTEST.
This match featured a guest appearance by WWE Hall of Famer/Pro-Wrestling Legend Ron Simmons.
6. A BODY SLAM MATCH: WWE World Heavyweight Champion Alberto del Rio with Ricardo Rodriguez vs. The Big Show.
THIS MATCH WAS A NO-CONTEST WHEN THE BIG SHOW REFUSED TO COOPERATE.
7. A LAS VEGAS SHOWGIRLS LUMBERJILLS MATCH: Tamina Snuka vs. WWE Divas Champion Kaitlyn.
THE LUMBERJILLS: Layla, Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendes, Aksana, Naomi and Cameron.
THIS MATCH RESULTED IN A NO-CONTEST WHEN THE LUMBERJILLS FOUGHT EACH OTHER.
WWE Champion The Rock arrived, and recalled the seven times he was champion and declared last night the proudest moment of his career. CM Punk interrupts, and chided The Rock for “stealing” the title. The Rock issued a challenge to face him like a man. Punk refused, and demanded a rematch at next month’s Elimination Chamber pay-per-view.
THIS WENT INTO THE FIRST FEW MINUTES OF HOUR 3.
8. A TABLES MATCH: Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus.
THE WINNER: SHEAMUS!!!
9. WWE KARAOKE: The Great Khali with Natalya Neidhart and Hornswoggle vs. Zack Ryder.
THE RULE: The contestants must sing a WWE theme song.
When The Great Khali was singing WWE Hall of Famer “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels’ theme entitled “Sexy Boy”, The 3MB (Three-Man Band/Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre) interrupted the song, and declared themselves WWE’s real rock stars. They were eventually assaulted by The Great Khali, Hornswoggle and Zack Ryder.
THIS WAS A NO-CONTEST.
Chris Jericho stated how happy he is to be back after six months. Dolph Ziggler, A.J. Lee and Big E Langston crashed his party, and Dolph told him, “You don’t work here anymore!” A.J. stated that she had a part in destroying his contract. Jericho proceeded to make fun of A.J. and Big E, and Vickie decided to pair up both Dolph and Jericho in a Strange Bedfellows Match.
A Strange Bedfellows Match pairs up two wrestlers into an unlikely tag team for one night.
10. A STRANGE BEDFELLOWS MATCH: The Returning Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler with A.J. Lee and Big E Langston vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan).
THE WINNERS: TEAM HELL NO.
The next inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame is: TRISH STRATUS!!!!!!!!
THE FATE OF PAUL HEYMAN.
WWE Chairman Vince McMahon returned to the ring and ordered Paul Heyman to receive his personal performance review. Vince also informed everyone that CM Punk was personally escorted out of the Thomas & Mack Center ten minutes before. Heyman mentioned a quote from Vince’s deceased father Vincent J. McMahon, Sr., and stated how much he wants to be with WWE. Vince then aired a clip showing Heyman talking with Brad Maddox where he admits to paying off both him and The Shield. It also showed Heyman telling Maddox that his show The Brad Maddox Experience is cancelled, and that The Shield earn more money than him. The Shield appears and surround Maddox. He tries to escape and is beat up in the process. As the crowd chanted “You are busted!”, Heyman tries to tell Vince that it was an impersonator and that people are jealous of his success. Just when Vince was about to say “YOU’RE FIRED!”, Brock Lesnar returned!!! Lesnar stared down Vince, and Vince told him not to do anything that he would regret. Lesnar ignored the statement, and F-5’d Vince!!! Heyman then shouted “Oh my God!!! What did you do??!!”.
Matches 1 and 8 are the highlight matches of the night!!!!!!!
The appearance by Ron Simmons, Trish Stratus being the next inductee into the Hall of Fame, and the returns of Chris Jericho and Brock Lesnar are the highlights of the night!!!!!!
ANALYSIS: What was with a few of the matches ending in no-contests?! This was stupid beyond belief!!!!!